My First Mini Controversy: In Regard to my “Just Because I Choose Not to Have Kids…” Post

My First Mini Controversy: In Regard to my “Just Because I Choose Not to Have Kids…” Post

So a brave soul shared with me that the post really hurt their feelings. I am so grateful that this person reached out because by now, I’ve removed myself from that post already. I got it off my chest because I just needed to get it out. But after re-reading the post……yeah let’s just say I’m about to go pull out some parts. Read the brave message I received:

“You say parents shouldn’t complain about being a parent, or that they’re tired, etc. 100% promise that no parent knew how hard parenting was going to be. Sometimes, we have to vent. We can’t keep it in. We’ll explode. Maybe there is more to it than I know [about the post] but I kind of got my feelings a little hurt. It’s kind of like, if you (anyone) choose an educational path, or a career path, you can’t ever complain about the hard days because that is what you choose. There is going to be difficulty in any path chosen in life. We all have to be able to vent. We all need validation and understanding”

If this person is brave enough to share their feelings with me, I need to be brave enough to admit that I was being insensitive in my Just Because I Choose Not to Have Kids, Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Get It post. I will completely own that it was insensitive with me. I apologize and that’s not the message I intended to get across. Let me explain…

The problem of writing when you are upset or hurt is that you often get so into your emotions that you have tunnel vision. The day I wrote that post, I was really hurt by an individual. I felt as though it was a personal attack on me. So when you get attacked what do you do? You attack back, without thinking about the outcomes. Did it make me feel better? At first. Am I still hurt? Yes I am. I am really hurt by it because that was a complete a-hole move of that person. But I guess my insensitivity was an a-hole move to the rest of the parents out there who didn’t have anything to do with the hurt I was given. So first fail in my blogging “career” occurred already. Yay for a mini controversy.

So to all my mamas & dadas out there, I know parenting is hard. I know some days you need to vent, or cry, or yell or just get away. I am so deeply sorry if I made you feel that you were not allowed to feel this way because you chose to have children. That was never my intention at all. I was just too caught up in my feelings that I took it out on the wrong people, ahem you all. Glad I took the time to check myself. Because I have a feeling I was on a lot of mama’s hit list.

It’s done bro.

Now all the other stuff, I still believe is true. Like how I still feel sadness, happiness, love, joy or pain, even though I don’t have kids. And lucky for you all, I have been crying over every freaking little thing these days…so feel free to pour your heart out to me. I love a good cry. I promise to be kind, supportive and validate your emotions and remind you, it’s all worth it because once upon a time, becoming a parent was a dream for you.

Also in the future, if you disagree with what I have to say, please do reach out. I am always open to hearing things from a different perspective. I don’t know it all and I am not too ignorant to listen to your perspective I promise 🙂

Note to self: Make sure you wait a few days to post after you write your “emotional” entry of the day.

Woman Crush Wednesday: Desiree

Woman Crush Wednesday: Desiree

I am so excited to introduce you to my friend Desiree. She’s a fun-size, action packed, smart, and sexy philiphina ❤

I met Desiree at Sacramento State in a Community Health Education course. She sat in the tables behind me. She would always come to class in workout gear with headphones on. She was also always at The Well getting her fitness on in between classes. Ya girl didn’t stink though I can assure you. She was quiet but once in awhile, she would let out a laugh because she overheard something ridiculous I’d say. She also suffered with me through the worst professor we’ve ever had in another class. We weren’t really close in college but we would have some deep conversations about why we are choosing to go into the field of public health instead of fulfilling our parent’s dreams for us to become physicians or nurses. Regardless, we motivated each other along the way to focus on our why!

Most people don’t stay in touch after college. But strangely, we grew closer. Desiree graduated a semester before I did but I would still text her from time to time just to check in on her and vice versa. Most of the time it was just me telling her something completely inappropriate and she would send me back a LMAO (Still true to this day). Somehow we ended up being really good friends and the rest is history.

Desiree is one of the downest human beings I know. She is always down for an adventure. She inspires me every single time she goes out and does anything. Many of our friends do not know this but Des has an autoimmune disorder called Scleroderma that may sometimes limit her from doing a lot of things she loves. Some of the symptoms of Scleroderma includes: tightening of the skin, small blood vessels contracting in toes/fingers in response to cold weather or stress (fingers turn blue or are painful/numb), digestive issues, and varying issues with the heart, lungs and kidneys. But that doesn’t stop Desiree. She did not let Scleroderma define her and her life. Instead, she allowed it to shaped the course of her life. She chose to continue to live life and do all that she loved in case her condition worsen. So every time I see a picture of this girl running, hiking, biking, traveling, kayaking or etc, I get the biggest smile on my life because that’s my girl…she’s a warrior.

Trust me, she can’t handle her liquor…I’ll prove it in a photo below LOL

Aside from her determination to live life to the fullest, Desiree is an like a kuya to me. LOL just kidding, I was going to make some philiphino references since I was talking bout her. But she’s like the older sister (Ateh right? LOL) I need in my life, although she’s tiny. I remember the day I had a minor meltdown because of my diagnosis. She was one of the few friends I shared what was going on with. She was supportive, she was kind, she was understanding and she assured me, she would be there every step of the way and will make an honest effort to check in on me often. Let me tell you, she followed through. She sent me good morning, good afternoon, good night texts randomly for the course of the next few months. She truly cared. She didn’t just say she cares, she actually showed me she did. She was encouraging and gave me suggestions for self-care. She sent me positive cheesy quotes that were relatable as heck because she knew what I needed to hear. She suggestions various techniques to cope such as journaling, counting my blessings at the end of each night, coloring etc. I am forever grateful for our friendship because of who she is.

Other reasons why I love Desiree:

  • During my bachelorette party, she put up with my shenanigans. I knew she had a thing for African American boys (not sure if this is still accurate, so all you fellas, let me double check the for you), so every time I would meet a handsome fella, I would hit them with the “Have you met my friend Desiree?” It was a long weekend for her nonetheless. Also, Des, thanks for making sure I was not successful with going home with a gold chain…that would have been too much street cred for me
  • Desiree is so passionate about health that she encouraged her mother to join her on the fitness journey and helped her mom improve her health. She’s a pusher and she knows it!
  • She spent the last two year working as a nutrition teacher for children. She loved every moment of it and you could tell the kids loved her too. They bought into everything she taught them because she was so genuine about helping them. She got so many cute letters from her students and the gratitude from them was just phenomenal. I am sure she will say those were some of the best moments of her life.
  • She’s incredibly thoughtful. She’s the friend that will gift you journals, coloring books, and other self-care activities because she values self-care.
  • She’s currently taking time for herself to work on herself. She doesn’t need a man to complete her and she knows it. She’s all about taking care of Des first, which I admire so much.
  • She agreed to watch The Conjuring with me while hungover during my bachelorette weekend because we literally couldn’t even that morning. Then we both spent the rest of the weekend psyching ourselves out by every little “sign”
  • She also went just as hard as I did during my bachelorette party. I have a photo to prove it. This is why I said she can’t hang well LOL
Yup! This is a photo of us trying not to die while waiting for our ferry to pick us up. The ferry ride was an hour long, then we had a 7 hour drive home. Brutal…Lesson Learned from that weekend? Don’t let Ngoc make everyone AMFs LOL

Des, if & when you read this, you are an inspiration to me. You are kicking so much ass right now. The last few months of grad school will pass by and before you know it, you will be out there taking the field of public health by a storm. I hope you know that you are more than enough. You make mom & dad proud, you make me proud, you make our friends proud, and most importantly, you have done more than enough to be proud of yourself. I love you Des!

In an effort to raise awareness for my dear friend’s condition, please take some time to read more about it and/or donate to the Scleroderma Foundation.

Just Because I Choose Not to Have Kids, Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Get It

Yes, I am (human) child free. Yes, I am 95% leaning towards not having kids. Yes, it is a choice. Yes, this is a choice between my partner & I. But please do not assume that just because I do not have a (human) child of my own, that I don’t know the feelings of love, joy, sacrifice, exhaustion, and other “emotions” that apparently you can only know when you have a child of your own.

I get it. You’re ecstatic to be a parent. Or you’re doing a pretty dandy job of convincing yourself you are. Either way, cool beans. But being a parent doesn’t make you necessarily “better” than someone. Or that you feel more things. This pisses me off so much.

I am not writing this to shame people with kids. I personally love kids. I enjoy spending time with them. I love to spoil them. I love to take my nieces/nephews for the weekend so their parents get a break. I have worked with children and loved every moment of it. But I still choose to not have children. I might change my mind someday but trust me, when I do decide, it is not a decision I will take lightly because life is already hard as it is. Heck, I am sure there are more people out there who did more thinking about not having kids than the people who do have kids. Regardless, it’s your choice. Mine is I’m good with dogs for now. I mean look at them…they make me so happy!

The next time someone tries to tell me I wouldn’t know what certain emotions feel like because I don’t have a child…I just want you to know this…

I feel just as much (or more) love, joy, sacrifice, exhaustion, and etc without having a child. Sure you might argue that” its different” or that “it’s different when it’s your own”. But get this…Love is love. Sacrifice is sacrifice. Exhaustion is exhaustion. But if you need to convince yourself that you have it better or worse because you have a child, then sure go for it.

I read this article “7 Things Childfree People Wish You Knew” the other day and below is an excerpt I just HAD to share…

7. We do know what love is.

Of course the love a parent feels for their child is going to be different from the love someone feels for their partner, their parents, their dog, etc. But to say that we don’t really understand love because we’ve never had a child says a lot about a person’s idea of real love.

If a person lacks the empathy and emotional intelligence to experience genuine love before having a child, I can’t see how they would develop that afterward. The only thing having a child will do for someone who has never really loved something/someone beforehand is foster a Stockholm-like bond necessary for survival. I personally wouldn’t call that real love.

So again, let me remind you…your version of tired is not greater than mine. Your sacrifice is not greater than my sacrifice. Your joy is not greater than my joy. Your choice to have children is your choice. My choice to not is mine. I simply just find joy in other things than you do. I make sacrifices for other reasons. My love for my dog is probably just as strong as your love for your children. Just because it’s not a human, does not mean I don’t understand what it’s like to be a “mother”. Because I can assure you, there are hundreds and thousands of males & females out there that will tell you, they have done more for their nieces or nephews or strangers than the child’s own parent.

This post was not directed towards anyone. If anything, the conversations have been resurfacing in my life with various groups of people – family, friends, strangers, the couple at the bar lol. I think it was just the one straw that broke the camel’s back that led me to write this post. Now that it’s out there, I feel better. Time to go make some sacrifices so my dogs can live a better life…you wouldn’t know what that’s like cause you got kids to worry about. LOL okay, that wasn’t cool. No more jokes.

Here’s another random thing I found online…I really should spend my time sleeping at night instead of surfing the web LOL

A Life Lesson From His Grave

Yesterday I was really in my feelings. Let me tell you why…

I attended a funeral service that was by far the toughest service I have ever attended. Losing someone is never easy. But when you lose someone to suicide, man oh man the heartbreak is real. Personally, I had only met this person a couple of times given our mutual relationship with my brother in law. But every single time, this person was just a true joy to be around. He was radiant, positive, full of peace and love, and a truly gentle soul…

The service was your traditional catholic service. Lots of comforting words from the Priest. Many needed this comfort, others were just there to pay their respects. I’ll be completely honest, I had no idea what was going on in the service. I wish there was a eulogy but I can understand how difficult it might be to write one given the circumstances. The burial was truly the most heartbreaking scenes. There was not a dry eye in the room. I witnessed a mother yelping for her son. You can feel the pain in her cry. I couldn’t help but just feel my heart rip into a billion little pieces. (This is what happens when you feel too much…thanks empathy!) I know earlier in my blog entries I talked about the pain & suffering of those who commit suicide. I truly believe it isn’t a selfish decision but more so of a self preservation decision (if that makes sense). To me, I see it more of how can I alleviate all this pain & heartache because I can’t do it anymore kind of ordeal. But watching his mother, father, sister, brother & nieces heart break before my eyes, I felt a bit of anger. But I wasn’t angry at him and decision…I was angry at the fact that so many souls walk this world feeling this way and we continue to lose people by suicide daily. I am angry that they couldn’t be saved…it’s no one’s fault because depression is such a personal battle. A battle you will never understand until it happens to you. You can say what you want, but seriously until it happens to you, you really don’t understand. But if I am being completely honest, I was really angry at myself. I really do want to share why but I am scared to. Maybe today isn’t the time. Maybe I’ll find the courage to circle back to this and share at another time.

But the point of this post was to share the takeaway I got from yesterday…

So quick story…at the burial, I chatted with a friend who shared with me the details of the letter he left behind for his friends and family. The part that struck my heart the most was the part where he said that he thought that by making it (like becoming successful), all his problems would go away or things would be better…but it didn’t change a thing.

So what did I take away from that piece?

Success is nothing if you don’t battle your demons. Your demons don’t disappear because drive a fancy car, live in a big house, travel to the world’s most desired location, carry the latest handbags, or run fast enough. Your demons are with you each and everyday unless you take the time to unpack it, process it, heal from it, and find a new place for it to live. I felt that someone wanted me to hear that part of his letter to remind myself to take the time to address my demons, take the time to process, to heal, to deal…I could continue to mask it and chase after my dreams..but I am so afraid of waking up one day and still unhappy despite “having it all”. I don’t want this for myself because I know material things can bring only so much joy. True happiness is from within…the ability to love yourself, accept yourself, and respect yourself. The ability to know that your trauma does not define you but instead it shapes you. I want to wake up happy even if it means I’ll probably be broke from quitting my job to focus on myself and spending all my money in therapy (so worth it by the way). I don’t need false happiness, I want the real thing even if it costs me the finer things in life.

So my challenge for you is to take time for yourself. Go to therapy if you need to. Talk to a friend or a family members. Be real with yourself and your thoughts & emotions. Process it. The last thing you want is to spend your time keeping up with the joneses then one day you find yourself so incredibly unhappy surrounded with the “happiness” you bought instead of finding it within. Give yourself time to heal now, don’t wait til later.

Why I Left My Dream Job

I can finally talk about it, finally. After weeks of keeping this sort of under wraps, I can finally say I have left my job as Program Coordinator for the Healthy Behaviors Initiative. This was not a decision that I took lightly. In fact, this was a decision in which I struggled with for a variety of reasons – mostly the beautiful souls I got to work with that made this decision very hard.

Two years ago, I took this job, my dream job because it allowed me the platform to be a catalyst for change. I would be managing a statewide initiative ALL BY MY SELF. Absolutely terrifying!!! I came from a public health background and I absolutely see and believe in the need for preventive work, especially in under-serve communities. This job would allow me to impact hundreds of thousands of lives daily. The ability to create change and live out my dream of “changing the world & making it a better place” made my heart so warm & fuzzy. I was the youngest person to ever hold this position at the nonprofit I worked at. I was the first person to NOT have a master’s or doctorate’s degree to carry out this work. BUT I was also the first person to hold a public health degree to address this serious public health issue – childhood obesity.

The last two years, I have learned so much. There were days where I was seriously overwhelmed with the amount of information thrown at me constantly. I spent a lot of time asking questions or researching off the clock to ensure I would do a good job. I wanted to do a good job. I wanted to prove to the world that I am qualify and I earned this job. I started a learning community in Sacramento by myself. What does that mean? I had to build my own circle of partners and seek out my own resources. I had recruit organizations to participate in my trainings. I had to interview them, create a criteria selection, develop training materials, facilitate the trainings myself and oh the best part, coach them on how to do their job. Despite being the top gun in charge, I still had to fetch my own coffee. Mostly because, I was my own team. Everything from planning trainings, to stapling packets…all me. I did it all. I was not too good to do any small task. This taught me how run a statewide initiative as a secretary, data analyst, publicist, marketer etc. Looking back now, I am actually really impressed with myself.

The Learning Community I started in Sacramento…missing a few folks!

I have attended numerous conferences – all of which were so much fun. The folks in afterschool really know how to combine work & play. They were also the most loving people I know. The kindest souls with the best intentions for the children and their families. I also had the opportunity present at local, statewide and national conferences. This was an amazing experience but at the same time, the level of impact was truly exciting…this is what I wanted…be a catalyst for change! I sat at tables with very influential people that I had dreamed of sitting next to while I was in college. I was in the Super Bowl in my field as my mentor would say. I had access to many higher ups that could teach me so much. I was apart of collaborative that worked on the health & wellness policies for public schools in California.

The California Local School Wellness Policy Collaborative I was apart of

I created my own trainings and facilitated them on my own. I mentored a group of 20+ adults that were all so inspiring in their own ways. I was learning and reading up on all these Senate and Assembly bills so I can advocate for the work I loved. I was living the dream at 25 with my dream job.

Meeting with the staff of a Senator to discuss various bills

By now, you’re all wondering, okay seriously, why did you leave? Just spill the beans…

Part of working for a nonprofit means the great work can only continue with adequate funding. Funding became an issue therefore my job was being threatened. Although, we did receive another contract, I knew it was a good time for me to step away. At this point, my health became more of my priority than my job. I was struggling and I couldn’t continue to pour from an empty cup. It was a difficult decision. I love my boss. She’s the best boss someone could have and I am certain I will never have another like her. She gave me all the space I needed to grow to fill out my new role. She allowed me to be self driven and accomplish my tasks without her ever asking me to do anything. I was highly motivated under her leadership and it all was because I had a boss that truly believed in me and my work ethic. Telling her I was leaving nearly brought tears to my eyes because this was a woman who took a huge risk by hiring me but never once made me feel that I was not enough for the job. Leaving behind the relationships I built with the colleagues I have met over the years was difficult because seeing them at every conference, summit, symposium and most importantly, BOOST, was one of the many highlights of my job. However, I know without a doubt, that they will always be there when I reach out. I was ready for a new challenge. I am ready to grow. I am hungry for new information. I thrive off overload myself with information and work. Leaving behind my dream job was one of the hardest thing I knew I had to do.

My first time at the BOOST conference with some amazing souls

So what’s next? I am currently enjoying fun-employment. Well it’ hasn’t really been fun. I am taking some time off to focus on my health and do a ton of serious self-care. I am also taking this time to pursue some passion projects such as this blog. I am also just slowing down a bit, taking it all in, before I plan my next big move. I like to tell people I am currently on a detour in life. I hit a roadblock and now I am on an adventure to get back on track, whatever that might look like.

I am super grateful to have the support of my husband, mom & uncle during this “soul searching” time period. Thank you for understanding that life isn’t always going to be a one way road. My health is my priority and when I am ready, I’ll figure out what’s next.

Woman Crush Wednesday: #therealsarapeccia

Woman Crush Wednesday: #therealsarapeccia

Okay fun fact: Sara is actually saved in my phone as #therealsarapeccia. You’re probably wondering what the heck. If you are a big fan of the MTV show Catfish, you will understand why this hashtag exist. If you are curious about what I am talking about, you can the run down of the story here.

I chose Sara to be my Woman Crush Wednesday this week because Sara is truly a beautiful person inside and out. At a glance, you can’t help but just adore her super cute doll face. But as you get to know Sara, you find that underneath all that beauty, there’s more! So funny story, when I first met Sara, I had these preconceived notions of her. She was interviewing for an open position as a receptionist. This meant, I would have to work with her allllllll the time. I think when I met her, my insecurities kicked in. I was just a bit envious of how beautiful she is. (NO HOMO) She had those eyes that you probably can’t say no to. Damn puppy eyes (It’s a good thing Sara). She was so killed at make up. She’s just all around gorgeous. But as I got to know Sara, I realized Sara and I had a lot in common. We were just two young women in a world where beauty was overvalued and despite being beautiful in our own ways, we had our own insecurities. Sara & I clicked immediately and before you know it, we would have some of the deepest conversations at work or some of the most inappropriate while praying the camera above us didn’t pick up any audio. I remember when Sara found out she was going to be a mom. FOR THE RECORD, I was one of the first few people to find out about baby girl. Sara was freaking out because she wasn’t ready. She went full panic mode. And if you know Sara, Sara freaks out a lot…which is kind of funny sometimes. I just remember thinking man that kid is going to be one adorable kid and he/she is going to have the coolest mom that will have the best collection of childhood photos ever cause Sara is soooo good with photography. I think it took Sara a while to realize that she was going to be okay. But everyone around her knew she was going to be okay. She had an amazing support group whether she decided to do it alone or not. (This is still true Sara, if you’re reading this.)

I guess now we can go into just some of the reasons why I adore Sara and choose her to be my Woman Crush Wednesday:

  • Sara is the kindest soul I know. She would always feel for others and then make me feel it too. Especially when we worked together. She would see and old lady and be like “omg! she’s so cute. I love her.” or “Omg! I feel so bad for so & so. Can you imagine being in their shoes? I don’t know what I would do. I wish I could do something to help” etc. Sara has always been so kind. Sometimes I would say something seriously awful and she would be like “But wait…seriously…what if…”. Always trying to flip the perspective and would remind me to be kind.
  • Sara was the friend that would be like “Oh you don’t like her? I don’t either.” That is loyalty my friend LOL.
  • Sara is a terrific mom. Despite doing it on her own, she has grown into this beautiful person that is selfless, kind, and so motherly. I’m sure she’s still her daddy’s princess. (She’s a total daddy’s girl.)
  • Sara is such an artist. I don’t know if she would agree but I think the ability to put together anything: outfits, a collection of photos, make up, artisty posts etc, is truly a talent of hers.
  • She’s been through some stuff. I won’t share her business but I can assure you, this girl has seen heart break, experienced loss and still came out okay because she is a fighter. I’m sure the last few years has been tough on her but Sara seems to continue to smile on the hard days.
  • I could sit here all day and go on & on but my favorite thing about Sara is Gemma Lina Bambina, her daughter. Sorry but not sorry, she’s such a cutie.

Hey Sara, if you are reading this. I want you to know how truly inspired I am by you. You really proved them all wrong. You did it. You are doing it. And you will continue to do great things. Gemma is so lucky to have you as a mommy. Your big heart is something I know without a doubt she inherited. Please don’t stress over these silly markers of adulthood of having it together by a certain age. You have lived through more things than most can say they have. You continue to get up everyday and be the best version of you for yourself and Gemma. You are not too early. You are not too late. You are just on time my friend. Be kind to yourself. Everything happens for a reason. If you ever need a friend, I’m here. I love you so much!

Like TI Said…Live Your Life

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Good morning or afternoon or evening. Depending on when you are reading this. It’s morning for me. I’m drinking coffee from my “Don’t Touch Me Peasant” cup this am. I didn’t get a chance to blog yesterday. I actually decided to play hooky yesterday and went to Stinson Beach. My friend Desiree & I literally just made it happen in less than an hour of planning. Spontaneity is so much fun! You should try it! At some point, I got so caught up in responsibilities and being an adult that I forgot to actually live.

Speaking of living…I came across this post I made on Facebook a couple years ago…man I was so wise, but also so young, dumb and broke

On my drive out to Vallejo, I thought to myself…wow…I am so happy right now. I am doing something I actually have been wanting to do for months. I just said screw it and made it happen. No excuses, no trying to figure out what to do with the dogs (yes I do get sitters for my dogs when I’m gone for more than 6 hours…dog mom life is real). Once my toes hit the sand, I realize aw crap, I need a pedicure. My toes look extra bused in the sand. Aside from that, it was such a nice day to be at the beach. There was no one there. Everybody and their mama had to work which worked out for us. Lay in the sun, soaking in all that cancerous sun ray, made wonder why I don’t do this often enough. Being there, reminded me to just stop trying so hard in life and take more breaks. I’m not saying stop trying at all. But just stop trying to be so perfect all the time. I just needed to be goodish at things. I need to cut myself a break because I push my hard so much. I’m always trying to live up to some unrealistic expectations I’ve set for myself. (Thanks to the tiger moms in my life) I need to be more present in my life and realize its okay to call in sick and lay on the beach. No shame in mental health days. No need to not eat my favorite things like Hershey’s hugs. It’s okay to be a bit thick…winter is coming after all. It’s okay that my hair isn’t Asian like cause ya girl is part black and my baby hair game is strong. I also don’t need to worry so much of what people think of me because they don’t do much for me so why care. Yeah, that whole last few sentences, I just wanted to put out there. I’m sure it has nothing to do with what I was talking about but if it makes sense to you, cool.

I guess you can say the beach day was what I needed. It reminded to just live. Stop caring so much for material things, stop working myself to death just to earn money to buy material things that only give me short term happiness. Stop buying my happiness at In n’ Out or Mikunis. I mean sometimes is cool but everyday will make me extra cute & fluffy. Instead, I should focus on creating the happiness in my life by doing the things I want to do. Like skipping all responsibilities and going to the beach to chase seagulls (by the way, this bold seagull literally try to fly away with my cookies…the nerve). Or wearing a swimsuit even though I feel self conscious as heck. A beach body is any body type at the beach. A bikini body is a body in a bikini. No one said I had to have tone abs & a bodacious booty to be in a bikini or be beach body ready. Just screw it, wear that bikini or swimsuit and catch those cancerous sun rays people!

So here’s to not chasing material things and just living the life I already have. Here’s to going to the beach on Monday to chase seagulls. Here’s to focusing on making a life more than making a living. At the end of the day, I know money doesn’t bring me happiness. The more I have, the more I can spend on stuff I don’t need. The less I have, the more I can focus on what don’t need and what I already have. And to be honest, I think this post was the most all over the place post I’ve made. It’s probably because I’m trying to finish it so I can go poop. Speaking of which, treat yourself and only buy Charmin Ultra Soft Toilet. (This isn’t an ad…just personal opinion). Til next time friends!

Oh here’s a picture of me trying to create an Instagram worthy photo lol. But the whole time I looked at the photo, I just zoomed in to myself and thought dang I got that cake, cake, cake, cake